9


In Memory of My Mother
    On January 27th, 2008, my mother died.  She was 84 years old.  Approximately two months before her death she moved into a local nursing home because she was no longer able to manage in her own home to any effective and safe degree even though we had hired a care-giver to attend to her needs on a daily basis.  For my mother, though, this was the beginning of the end -- losing the independence she had in her own home by having to go into an ‘institution’ a.k.a. a nursing ‘home.’  The regimen and demands they placed upon her, which she was not accustomed to nor expected, made her increasingly frustrated, anxious, and very unhappy.  Consequently, about two weeks before her passing, something happened while she was there.  Notwithstanding her advanced years, she was always a very sharp lady with amazing insight and intellect, but then one day all-of-a-sudden her speech was slow and somewhat ‘slurred.’  There was also the impression that she was somewhat incoherent in her thinking as reflected by her speech, and she seemed to have taken on a slightly different personality.  Perhaps she had a mini-stroke, or even a slight nervous break down, but we (medical personnel included) never really knew and of course never will know what happened for sure, but I will comment further about this in the paragraphs below.  Nevertheless, tests done in the nursing home showed low oxygen levels in her blood stream and she was suffering from congestive heart failure.  Finally, after a discussion I had with the head nurse one night regarding this change that had occurred in my mother, the nurse, even without consulting with the physician that was assigned to my mother, had her admitted into the local hospital right away.
    
    I booked a flight immediately that night and it just so happened that David, my oldest son had already planned a trip to visit with his grandmother on the same day I would arrive -- he coming from Vancouver and me from California.  When we both arrived at the hospital and entered my mother’s room it was hard to believe the way she looked.  She was not the same Edith.  Her face had a pronounced sunken aspect, her eyes were distant looking, her hair had a plain or disheveled look, and she was not really coherent.  I am sure that she knew who I was, though, as she held my hand in a meaningful way.  When we first arrived at the hospital there were two ladies from the church, and when one of them leaned over to my mother and said that she would come back later, my mother responded very audibly, “No!”  We were all taken aback a little as it was not like her to talk or act like this, but I knew what my mother meant -- she wanted to be left alone to die in peace with no more audiences or interference from anyone.  Then another woman from the church came for a visit right after this and I told her that it would be best that my mother not have any more visitors and made the request that she “get the word out” regarding this.  She was most agreeable and said that she would most definitely do that.

    The next day I met with the attending physician and requested that no more probing and tests be taken as it was causing discomfiture to my mother having the hospital staff sticking needles into her, etc.  I told the doctor that it was just “data” at this point, which was not going to ameliorate the situation.  He agreed and the decision was made to turn things over to the will of God and just keep her as comfortable as possible.  Also, my mother had refused all food for approximately one week by now and only had I.V. fluids with some added medications to sustain her.  My mother had signed a non-resusitation and non-intervention document when she went into the nursing home and the doctor and I agreed to honor her wishes.  I also want to say that notwithstanding my mother’s inability to communicate in the lucid manner in which she had always done so except for at this time,  I know that my mother knew what she was doing.  She wanted out of this mortal life.  She had suffered enough pain, discomfiture and in many ways, humiliation as a result of how she had to be dealt with on account of her physical conditions, and she knew it wasn’t going to get better, only worse.  She also knew that refusing all food and liquids would bring about her release.  This was an amazing feat of determination and necessary action based upon clear and correct reasoning concerning the condition she was in and its prognosis.  You are my hero, mother.  You took it upon yourself to be responsible for your own life.  I applaud and honor you for your decision and ability to follow through on your own.  You are an amazing woman.

    On the penultimate day of her life she was in a fairly comfortable state and the last coherent thing my mother said to me was, “Now I now what life is all about.”  I really don’t know what she meant by this, and it disturbed me a bit.  My mother was someone who always gave much more than she ever took, especially when it came to caring for her family.  I hope that in her final, clear mental state she didn’t have any regrets about this.  Like I said, it disturbed or saddened me to hear her say this.  I hope she fully realizes what all the sacrifices she made for her family meant and did for us.  We will be forever in her debt.

    On the last day, David and my other two daughters, Marie, who came from Barrie, Ontario, and Lisa, who came in from Cornwall, Ontario, both of them just for that day, visited with my mother.  I didn’t go to the hospital that evening and Emily had already gone back to Toronto to attend to some obligations.  Then, the next morning Emily called me and said the hospital was trying to reach me (there was no phone in the room I was sleeping in at the house).  She said that they phoned her as the alternate contact to report that my mother had passed away at about six a.m. that morning (January 27).

    So, what can I say?  What can anyone really say except that her time had come and that it was what she had wanted for a long time -- to be finally released from the pain, discomfiture and other afflictions that she was suffering from during the last few years and especially the last two months of her life.

    The funeral was held on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at the Cobourg, Ontario chapel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It was a very blustery day with high winds and cold temperatures.  In reference to the weather, if my mother came into this world like a lamb, she went out like a lion!  But despite the obstacles the Canadian winter weather presented, the funeral was well attended with only a few (mostly older) people phoning to say that they would not be able to attend because of the treacherous road conditions.  My wife, Jean, spoke first, I spoke second, and then my mother was the concluding ‘speaker.’  This was possible because in the year 2000 I interviewed my mother asking her to recount important details about her life, and then I recorded this interview onto a CD.  I played this recording at her funeral and she stole the show!   You can hear the entire presentation below (QuickTime required).

    I will miss my mother in a way that is very difficult to put into words.

    She was my best friend.  She was a true and valued mother, not only to me, but to my children as well.

    I love you, Ma, and declare again that I will be forever in your debt.
    

Ida “Edith” Belfiglio
October 15, 1923 - January 27, 2008

Peacefully at the Northumberland Hills Hospital in Cobourg on Sunday, January 27th, 2008, Ida “Edith” Caroline Belfiglio (nee Mantini) at 84 years of age. Beloved wife of the late Anthony Belfiglio. Dear mother of Paul Anthony Belfiglio and his wife Jean of California. Cherished grandmother of Lisa Anne King (Steve) of Cornwall, Marie Caroline Badley (Larry) of Barrie, Emily Jean Belfiglio of Toronto, David Anthony Belfiglio of Vancouver, Benjamin Paul Belfiglio of Vancouver, Heather Anne Belfiglio of California, and the late Matthew Robert Belfiglio. Great grandmother of Helena, Morganne, Miles, Ethan, and Emily. Sister of Carol Haynes (the late Tom), the late Albert Mantini (Viola), the late Helen Rizzo (the late Angelo). A Funeral Service will be held at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Burnham St. N., Cobourg, on Wednesday, January 30th, at 11 am. Interment at Cobourg Union Cemetery. Visitation to be held at MacCoubrey Funeral Home, 30 King St. E. in Cobourg on Tuesday, January 29th, from 7-9 pm. Those wishing may make a memorial contribution by cheque to the Relief Society of the Cobourg Ward of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Condolences received at www.MacCoubrey.com.
    
                                      

                                           Her young family                                  A beautiful woman both within as without





    

                A wonderful union made in Heaven
                




                              An angel bride






                                                                                     More beautiful than ever




                                Declining years, but always a delight to be with




                                                         Always a mother


    As I previously mentioned, in the year 2000, on her 77th birthday, I asked my mother to prepare and then read a brief statement about her life, both past and present.  The following sound clip is the result of that request.  It also served as an introduction to an interview that I conducted at the same time in which I asked questions about her engagement, marriage, honeymoon, and other aspects of her life.

    This, then, is the recording of my mother reading her prepared statement:

   
Introduction, 3 minutes 24 seconds, (QuickTime may be required)



    This is the interview about my mother’s marriage, etc., which is in three parts:

                                                 
Part One, 7 minutes 4 seconds, (QuickTime may be required)


                                                                 
Part Two, 0 minutes 24 seconds (QuickTime may be required)
Part Three, 3 minutes 33 seconds, (QuickTime may be required)



    This next sound clip continues with the interview about how she and my father became members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) which was the center and focus of their lives:

   
Part Four, 7 minutes 3 seconds, (QuickTime may be required)


    This final sound clip is a poem read by my mother, which typifies her life, i.e., “help me love others.”

   
Conclusion, 1 minute 56 seconds, (QuickTime may be required)



    A couple, who knew my mother from many years ago, sent me an email expressing how they had always felt towards her.  I think their statement reflects most accurately what type of person Edith (Ida) Belfiglio was:

“We were saddened to hear of your Mother’s recent passing.  We remember her strong testimony of the gospel, her bright and welcoming smile, the beauty she radiated and her enveloping love for others.  We are grateful to have known her and feel privileged to have been recipients of her gracious and warm manner.”


My Mother
Now At Peace
~~~
Always Remembered
Forever Loved